Not tonight dear: 9 things we'd rather do than have sex

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Voluntarily giving up our sex drive in favour of painting our nails…

Woman sleeping happy in bed
50 Shades this, bondage that – urgh. Can't a girl just watch some telly in peace?

All this wild sex and passion is very nice, but some days you are just not in the mood. And it's not because our libidos need boosting, or we aren't utilising fantasies enough – it's because there are far cooler things we'd rather be doing. Like making a pie or shaving our legs.

1. Preening
Between long hours at the office and a busy social life – sometimes a girl's most basic of beauty routines gets neglected. Like doing one's legs for example, or taking the last remains of your nail varnish off. Or brushing your hair. Tonight we'd much rather lock ourselves in the bathroom for an hour and wax, bronze and pluck our Wolverine eyebrows.

2. Watch Arrested Development in our PJs
New Arrested Development episodes on Netflix. Later boys. We're hunkering down with the all new episodes, our slippers and a large bag of popcorn (which we may or may not dunk into a tub of peanut butter with our hands).


Now where the devil are our slippers?

3. Sleep
Sometimes 'I'm tired' is not an excuse – it's just a fact.

4. Cooking a huge dinner. Then eating it.
Pies don't just bake themselves you know. Tonight were opting to cook a massive beef pie, followed by some brownies for a night of gluttony. And after all that food, who wants to be thrown around naked? No thanks – we'll be rubbing our stomachs until we drift off into a pastry fuelled slumber.

British Pie Week Recipe: Rich and Tasty Beef Bourguignon Pie

© The English Provender Co.

This recipe for beef bourguignon pie should do the trick...

5. Seeing our friends & getting fall down drunk
Go out, get silly, put the world to rights and drink a load of wine. Then we're going to come home and pass out without taking our make-up off.

6. Re-arranging our shoes
This place is a mess. There is a tangled jewellery drawer that resembles a Crystal Maze puzzle, a pants drawer that needs some serious thinning and shoes that demand putting back in pairs.

7. Getting through some magazines/ a book
When do you ever have time to read? Ever? There is now a pile of magazines that's so high, it is creating a toppling safety hazard in our flat and a Kindle that has yet to be taken out the box. Leave us in peace so we can catch up on our reading.

Book Ipad

© Getty Images

Time for a spot of book learning

8. Life admin
Laptops need sorting, credit cards need paying, driving license needs renewing (no we still haven't done that) – there is just so much life admin – we need an evening to get act together.

9. Book a holiday
You see chaps, you put us in charge of arranging the holiday – and then you want us to stop doing that to have sex. We can't do both you know, so go away.

Did we miss anything?



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