How to try & stop your friend getting back her ex without falling out

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Taylor Swift & Selena Gomez have had words about Justin Bieber. Learn from them.

Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift

© Getty - Handbag

Say it ain't so. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber's on-again-off-again relationship is reportedly driving a wedge between her and bestie Taylor Swift.

'Taylor hates him,' a source told US Weekly. 'She thinks Selena makes a mistake every time she reconciles with him. Bieber has really come between the girls.'

Selena, who Taylor calls 'the closest thing I've ever had to a sister', is apparently getting it in the ear from Bieber because, 'He complains Taylor's always telling Selena she can do better.'

Probably going to have to side with Swifty on that one Justin. Soz. And put your shirt on already.

They may be ridiculously famous and good looking - but the Selena, Taylor, Bieber love triangle is nothing new. So how do you tell your friend not to go back to her douche-bag ex, without running the risk of ruining your friendship?

1. Pick the right time
If you've decided you need to say your piece - then pick the right time. Not when they are stressed about something else (don't add to their burden) and not when you're both drunk. Invite your friend round for a quiet night in, just the two of you, fill them full of good food and then have a calm discussion.

2. What's your point?
Just saying you don't like their ex isn't enough, and no ranting allowed. Don't make it about you versus him. Instead - you should have well thought out, logical reasons behind your reservations.

3. Don't point the finger
It's all in the words. Instead of saying 'he did this' and 'he cheated on you' - always bring it back to her. 'Remember how that made you feel' and 'You were so bummed when he forgot your birthday.' That way, she knows you are only thinking about her wellbeing and won't feel the need to leap to the ex's defence.

4. Be calm
Hysterics, wailing, crying and pacing help no one and will almost certainly undermine your point. Think of this as a work presentation. Rational points, delivered concisely, round off with a conclusion and then prepare to take questions at the end.

5. Listen to what she has to say
At the end of the day, it is her life - so she's probably going to have a rebuttal. Listen to her objections to your arguments, do not cut in, and when she's finished - then you can respond. You don't want this to escalate into an argument.

6. Be prepared to hear bad news
If she's listened to all your points and then promptly thrown them out the window - then tough. You said your piece, now button it. Don't turn this into a battle. Your friendship means more than that. And remember - there is a possibility you are not right.

7. Say you'll be there
Reassure her that whatever happens you will be there to support her. Don't drive a wedge. And if this all does end up in the toilet as you predict - she'll need you (not to say 'I told you so', just to be a mate and go out drinking with.)

8. Leave him out of this
And whatever you do - leave him alone. Do not call him and say you'll feed his pee-pee to the goats if he hurts your friend again, and don't threaten that you're watching his every move (pretty sure he'll know that anyway).

Go zen and basically do nothing that may lead to you shrieking like a crazy person. You will only give the ex ammunition to shut you out and say you can't be trusted. Instead - kill it with kindness. Make an effort, be sweet, and then you will give your friend no reason to be put in a ultimatum situation.

Go forth, and meddle.




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